Today I Laundered a Loaf of Bread


I don't pretend to be a Better Homes and Gardens kind of person, but this was a new low, even for me.


Let me explain.  Someone had donated several loaves of Trader Joe's Multi-Grain Oat Bread to our friendly community fridge, and there were several loaves left over.  The sell-by date had already become a dim memory and green mold had not yet made an appearance, so I decided to treat my chickens to some people food.  Being true omnivores, they will eat anything.  I brought a loaf into my house and tossed it in a corner close to the door I always take to the chicken yard.  I planned that the next time I went out I'd throw about half of it over the fence.



It was laundry day.  I dumped the contents of my hamper onto the floor near the bread, planning to sort it.  Then I was interrupted.  By the time I returned to the clothes I had forgotten about the bread.  I scooped everything into my arms and threw it in the washer.  I added the laundry soap and set the cycle to Heavy Duty.



Picture this: By the time the load was finished the bag of bread had risen to the top.  I opened the lid and froze.  What was that?  Who put it in there? Where was it I had last seen that label? What was all that horrible mush?  




What to do?? Cautiously I reached in and lifted the bag with two fingers.  Even chickens might not eat what I saw inside!  And what if the rinse cycle hadn't washed out all the laundry detergent.  I didn't know how to phrase the question to find the information on Google.  "When laundering a loaf of bread...?"  I couldn't imagine how to finish the sentence!  Should I taste the goo myself?  Just the thought made my stomach do flip-flops. 



Since plenty of water had seeped into the bag, had some of the goo leaked out onto my clothes? Dare I put them in the dryer? Should I wash them again first?  Vaguely I remembered that some sort of play-doh or glue or something could be made from a mix of bread and water. If I put the clothes in the dryer, what kind of shock was next? Would they become stiff and glue themselves to the drum? Would they freeze into some unrecognizable contortions? Should I boil them?  Take them to the dry cleaners and confess?  Make a sandwich?


After carefully sniffing the clothes, I decided to take a chance.


When the dryer cycle finished the clothes seemed fine. They have no yeasty smell that I can detect. Neither do they seem stiff, although I am uncertain about some of the stuff I found in the lint filter.


Just in case, I will keep watching for mold and insects.


Cross your fingers for me.