The Tailor and the Milkmaid and the Foolish Cow
Copyright 1979 Dana Clark
Oh, once there was a milkmaid who had a foolish cow
The cow loved the little tailor who solemnly did vow
If the milkmaid would not be his wife his heart would break in two
But the maid pretended not to care as milkmaids often do
The cow thought, 'how can the tailor love the maid instead of me?
'I am so much more shapely, as anyone can see
'I'm sure he'd change his mind if he'd consider just a bit
'Why she is so flat-chested, and I have such big udders'
The tailor came to pay a call one bright and sunny day
But he went to the house and not the barn, to the cow's dismay
She was burning up with envy as she slipped out of her stall
And she went up to the window where she could watch it all
The jaunty little tailor chased the maid around the house
And he was as determined as a cat after a mouse
He was so bold he stole a kiss and asked her for one more
She was so very brazen that she gave him three or four!
The cow cried as she watched him, and she had a wicked thought
As he walked home she'd ambush him in a dark and lonely spot
Then she could have her way with him if he liked it or not
And off she went with lewd intent and at a lascivious trot
She waited near the path until the tailor came quite close
But she was a bit too eager and too clumsy in approach
He never knew what hit him. He never had a chance
He never found out what it was that had him by the pants
Too late she learned the tailor was too fragile for her passion
How awkward that she'd sat on him in such a deadly fashion
So if you love a milkmaid, I'll give you warning now
Keep your eyes wide open for a jealous cow!