The Tailor and the Milkmaid and the Foolish Cow

Copyright 1979 Dana Clark

Oh, once there was a milkmaid who had a foolish cow

The cow loved the little tailor who solemnly did vow

If the milkmaid would not be his wife his heart would break in two

But the maid pretended not to care as milkmaids often do


The cow thought, 'how can the tailor love the maid instead of me?

'I am so much more shapely, as anyone can see

'I'm sure he'd change his mind if he'd consider just a bit

'Why she is so flat-chested, and I have such big udders'


The tailor came to pay a call one bright and sunny day

But he went to the house and not the barn, to the cow's dismay

She was burning up with envy as she slipped out of her stall

And she went up to the window where she could watch it all


The jaunty little tailor chased the maid around the house

And he was as determined as a cat after a mouse

He was so bold he stole a kiss and asked her for one more

She was so very brazen that she gave him three or four!


The cow cried as she watched him, and she had a wicked thought

As he walked home she'd ambush him in a dark and lonely spot

Then she could have her way with him if he liked it or not

And off she went with lewd intent and at a lascivious trot


She waited near the path until the tailor came quite close

But she was a bit too eager and too clumsy in approach

He never knew what hit him.  He never had a chance

He never found out what it was that had him by the pants


Too late she learned the tailor was too fragile for her passion

How awkward that she'd sat on him in such a deadly fashion

So if you love a milkmaid, I'll give you warning now

Keep your eyes wide open for a jealous cow!